The Spare exposed seven undermined Family issues we all face today and how to resolve it.

The spare is a typical depiction of what happens across families worldwide.

It touches across many aspects of difficult family issues that can sometimes be so overbearing, challenging and traumatic. If you have siblings, I am sure you can relate to some aspects of Harry’s book. The gravity of your own experience shapes how you react to his. Because in as much as everyone will have story to tell about their family or siblings growing up. Some can be very different and how it is dealt with comes differently and may have consequences positively or negatively, finally some survives it while it destroys some.

Siblings’ rivalries, control, betrayal, Jealousy, neglect, busy parents parenting style, favoritism, in-equality etc.

All these tends to reflect more in a broken or single home circle regardless of how rich or poor the families involved maybe.

Seven (7) undermined Family issues we all face today drawn from ‘The Spare’ and how to resolve it.

1. Favored child vs the spare.

Harry is the spare, Prince William the heir, according to Harry the spare is a substitute to Prince William in case anything happens to him that is what it means to the Royals. He said he was reminded this from the time he was born. He grew up been treated differently from his elder brother because he is the heir apparent. He understood and accepted it because he has to respect the order of the Crown.

I feel it is natural for him to feel jealousy sometimes if he is constantly been neglected when he needs attention too. What do you think?

This happens in every family. In this book, it is called the Spare. For us it is called Favoritism.

This is widely predominant with most African parents where they obviously select which child to love more amongst all the other children they birthed, giving them preferential treatments and chosen words carefully with them whereas the less favorite ones is been treated like a help or stranger in the family, neglected, talked down on etc. I wonder if they learnt it during colonization because there were many cultural and behavioral transfers that happened back then. Just wondering.

This favoritism syndromes maybe ignored by the child while growing up, if things takes turn along the line and the child notices reverse of actions by parents loving them and providing for them equally. Everything becomes normal but what about when the favoritism continues up until the children becomes adults, this may results to severe consequences such as feeling of resentment, hate, lack of confidence, bully, anger, etc.

These may lead to pursuit of happiness outside of home in search of answers to thousands of questions in their head, “like no one loves me, I am good for nothing” etc. At this point, they are most predominantly likely to be taken advantage of by other people. Here is where abuse comes in at early age, drugs, and other things they may be introduced to as escape route.

In Harry’s case according to the book, this led to consequences such as finding solace around wrong people, sexually abused, use of drugs such as cocaine, excessive weed smoking. All at a young age. He survived it because he was protected. Otherwise, he would have wasted like so many boys and girls on the street.

2.  Siblings Rivalry

This also will increase frictions between siblings.

Siblings frictions was narrated in the Spares too, many people found it petty that Harry included trivial things like his brotherly frictions with Prince William.

Have you ever experienced been junior to a mischievous senior sibling that happens to be preferred over you, some of them can be mischievous?  While this may or may not be the nature of Prince William, there are many siblings in this bracket.

Bringing it down to all of us, this is where it becomes a problem to look closely into. I do know that it is ok for siblings to fall out, fighting always, and saying mean things to one another as kids.

My sister and I got a lot of it, our brother was usually our referee, he use to lead us to the bed to fight well, removing things in the way so we do not fall and sustain injury while fighting. I remember how my sister beats me blue and black; I will be crying but will never give up the fight. Funny though.

Nevertheless, it becomes abnormal for it to repeat itself when siblings becomes full-grown adults because they are no longer innocent children. Everything they say or do is exactly how they feel in their heart and this is where issues needs to be addressed before it gets out of hand in families.

This is because the spare child is already vulnerable and emotionally fragile due to the negative treatment received from the parents, which will naturally affect the way they process issues. Caution needs to be applied in the use of words and actions around them otherwise, it will be perceived differently regardless if it is true or not.

We all know that at this stage, adult siblings’ battle is a very sensitive matter to dialogue. It is hard to figure out who hurts who and who did not except, parents and people around their life intervenes honestly without taking sides or they naturally mature to be able to honestly dialogue their difference, agree and disagree, apologize and then treat each other with more respect.

Thorough work on both sides needs to be done for growth mind-set. This is why family mental health education needs to be discussed more often.

Finding a good healing love therapy coach may be the best option. Harry mentioned that he got into that therapy cult and still in it and that shaped and is still shaping his journey today.

A big shout out to all the caring and loving senior siblings out there looking out and supporting their younger ones and parents that loves their children equally, it is a blessing to have that.  To stop this,

To be continued…